Who Invented the Butterfly Stroke... and Why?

I've got a theory.

The butterfly stroke wasn't invented to improve swimming. It was invented by another country that had finally had enough of Australia winning everything in the pool.

Picture the meeting.

"Right, Australia keeps winning the swimming. Any ideas?"

"We could train harder"..... "Nah"

We could build longer pools"..... "Nah"

"What about colder water?"..... "Nah"

"We could make them swim uphill"...... "You're an idiot."

A long silence. Then someone quietly says, "What if we invent a stroke so ridiculously difficult that even the Australians won't be able to do it?"

The room erupts.

"Brilliant! We'll finally beat them."

Australia looked at it.

Practised.

Won gold anyway.

The meeting was awkward.

The thing is, butterfly has never made sense to me.

Swimming is one of the few sports where gravity finally gives you a break. Your knees stop complaining, your back gets a holiday, and your body remembers what moving without carrying your own weight actually feels like.

Then someone looked at that and thought, "You know what this needs? Gravity."

Not just a little bit.

Let's have them repeatedly launch half their body out of the water.

Why?

It's like inventing a chair where you have to squat the whole time.

Or an escalator that still expects you to climb the stairs.

It completely defeats the purpose.

It's almost like someone looked at swimming and thought, "This is far too enjoyable. Let's fix that."

Then there's the name.

Imagine you've never seen swimming before. You're a kid standing beside the pool looking at the strokes written on the whiteboard.

Freestyle.

Backstroke.

Breaststroke.

Butterfly.

Which one are you choosing?

Butterfly, obviously.

It sounds beautiful.

Light.

Graceful.

You imagine yourself gliding effortlessly through the water while a butterfly gently floats overhead.

Then the instructor says, "Excellent choice. We'd now like you to repeatedly throw your entire upper body out of the water until your shoulders question every decision you've ever made."

That wasn't quite what I had in mind.

Mind you, Olympic swimmers make butterfly look incredible.

They're smooth.

Powerful.

Effortless.

The rest of us look like we're wrestling a crocodile...

...and losing.

I've attempted butterfly exactly the same way every normal person has.

The first stroke isn't too bad. The second stroke starts asking serious questions.

By the third stroke, you've quietly decided today is breaststroke day.

You don't announce it. You don't explain it. You just gradually transition into breaststroke and hope nobody noticed.

Then you avoid eye contact with everyone standing at the end of the pool.

They know. You know. We all know.

I've also noticed nobody casually swims butterfly.

Nobody arrives at the local pool, adjusts their goggles and thinks, "I feel like twenty relaxing laps of butterfly today."

Nobody.

Then there's the effort-to-distance ratio. You feel like you've swum the English Channel.

You look up. You've travelled about four metres.

At that point, freestyle feels like lying on a lilo.

So yes, I remain convinced another country invented the butterfly stroke hoping it would finally stop Australia dominating the swimming.

It was a brilliant plan.

Australia learned it.

Won anyway.

Which probably explains why they're still holding meetings.

"Longer pools?"

"Tried it."

"Colder water?"

"Didn't work."

A long silence.

Then someone quietly says...

"What if we make them wrestle an actual crocodile?"