What does that sign say?

At the age of 33 I have read a number of books, magazines, newspaper articles, letters, legislation and maps. Yet that damn parking sign makes me wonder if I really do know how to read English.

I stand looking perplexed at the sign, is it a clear way? Or do I need to pay the meter? Or just drive along to a side street without any confusing parking signs to confuse me?

Why didn't I just catch a train?!

I imagine what I look like to passes by; neck stretched out across the passenger seat reading the sign. I look so intensely at the sign I must nearly look scary. Realising I am still not sure, I start thinking - just park and get out to get closer to the sign to really read it. I don't want to miss the 6-font print that says "gotcha! You can't park here EVER I was just fooling you - now time to pay up (it would never say that)". Now perched on top of the sign, nose to nose with it, I still can't seem to understand what it says - It seems no matter how close I am to the sign, the sign gets no clearer. What is this madness!

I saw a bloke on Saturday in the rain with his hands on his hips staring at the parking machine. I understand the look on his face. I know why his hands are on his hips. He too thought he knew how to read English - now this machine is making him question himself. Throw in your day job mate, back to school you go!

I wish the signs were clearer or that someone made a machine that you could go to and say "can I park here today?" and the machine will either say "yes" and the fee or "no, jog on". But then how would local councils generate any income if we actually were able to park correctly and not get fined!

I saw a parking warden the other morning at about 7.57am ready to pounce on cars parked in a zone that started the meter at 8.00am. Obviously he gets some incentive payment added to his annual salary based on parking fines generated. I know everyone needs to earn money but at least earn your income from signs we can understand!

Maybe I should just leave a note with my mobile number on my windscreen asking the parking attendant to call me, give me my fine in person please, so then I can ask for a 1:1 learning lesson on reading parking signs and meters. If I am going to pay a fine, I may as well get a workshop out of it!