The Public Transport Date

Like other women across London and Greater London I catch public transport most days of the week. I catch trains, tubes and buses to get in and out of work daily, or to meet with friends on a Saturday night out. Like others who catch public transport I can be in a hurry, or unsure where I need to go or what tube will take me there. 

As a regular commuter on London transport, I think I may have stumbled over the best first date. The first date that will really tell you the truth about the person you could end up spending the rest of your life with. The Public Transport Date.

The Public Transport Date is ingenious. It is the fastest way to find out what kind of man you are preparing to spend a night with, or overnight depending how the date goes. I have found on every occasion on public transport I have encountered someone who I should highlight as bad dating material, or worthy of a good bollocking. Let me tell you about the few I have found to help my fellow young dating ladies in London.

Type 1 – Young, rowdy and loud

We have all met this type of man on the tube before. They are loud talking, rowdy, sometimes drunk and generally someone who you want to remain well clear of when jumping on the tube. They bump you as they walk past. Not because they are rude, but because they have no clue and sometimes just cannot walk straight. They are crude, and make you cringe in your seat praying they stay clear, and you make it to your stop to get off.

This man is sometimes ok in a club/bar/pub environment. But never on a tube or train.

Stay clear women of this man … his idea of a date will probably be McDonalds and you helping him make it to a toilet before he is sick on the train.

Type 2 – Rude, rushed and inconsiderate

This is the type that I think most women should stay clear of. It is the man who pushes you out of the way to get onto a train, the man who takes your seat and doesn’t even look up to see if there are elderly, disabled or pregnant woman about needing it. Moreover, they are the person that after seeing someone needier of a seat they pretend they have not seen

them and continue burying their head in their blackberry, iPhone, book or newspaper.

I recently was on the tube, again on my way to work. Waterloo to Bond Street. This tube is packed most mornings and evenings. I stand at the entry area. I like the Jubilee line as it tried to create a more orderly set of rules by enclosing the tube and marking in paint where people should stand before entering the tube. It helps most of the time, but then you will always find someone who thinks they are more important and in more of a rush than anyone else.

On this day I recall standing at the side, waiting for the doors to open. I was the first one at the door area and slowly several people started to crowd in the area. Generally, the rule is, as with any other queuing etiquette - first in first served. Others had seen I was there first and were prepared to wait for me to get on first. The tube pulls up and people start queuing on the other side waiting to get off. The rule is, let those off first so you can get on.

So far, I have explained very simple, worldwide known rules. The doors open and I stand aside to let the passengers alight. The doors open and we all quickly move in. Just as the doors are about to close a young, suited man bustles in. He gets in just before the doors close. He has burst his way onto this jammed tube. He really should not have fit on.

That is why others who were standing outside the doors didn’t get on. He disagreed and obviously thought there was enough space for him. He is standing face to face with me. I am getting more frustrated by the minute. There was another tube a minute following this tube. Just wait for the next one you tool! I am aware that personal space is a luxury in peak hour on public transport, but when another person’s breathing moves my fringe – you are

TOO CLOSE.  

Apparently, he seems completely unaware that he had nearly knocked half of the people around him over. No apology or slight smile saying ‘sorry’.  The train jolts suddenly and he stumbles and treads on another passenger’s foot.  He looks at her, does not apologise and then pulls out the Metro. Where is the room to open this newspaper to read it! He found it. Placing his newspaper on the back of another passenger, they have become his table. Steam is now coming from my ears as I receive a slight whack every time he turns the page. 

I move about trying to show my discomfort with the entire situation. I turn around and find myself butt to butt with him. Rubbing ass with a stranger is never enjoyable, but if I remained facing him, I was likely to head butt him on my way out. As I get to Bond Street, I see he is also looking to get off. I am again in front of the door, he stands behind me. I can feel his determination to get off. If I wasn’t in a rush and it was only him, I would stand in the way of him and make him must stay on the tube for a further stop – to teach him a lesson. But I need to get to work too so when the doors open, I step off. He walks in step behind me and dodges with me through other commuters as we try and get to the elevator. As we get closer to the elevator, I see that he is walking at a faster pace and strides in front of me cutting off my path. My appreciation for his rude manner is only because he is now nowhere near me and I can try and unwind.  We got to the ticket terminal and there he is again a few people in front of me.

For all of his rude, pushing, inconsiderate behaviour he was only a minute in front of me! 

As I step out into the fresh air (ok as fresh as London air is) I hope that no poor girl is meeting that man for a date tonight.  

Type 3 – Married, older and no longer cares

Standing at Surbiton station at 7:47am I am waiting for the 7.57am train to Waterloo. This is a direct train, which everyone generally wants to catch and is filled with a variety of commuters. The difference in age, sex, nationality, occupation become all too obvious as you ride public transport from greater London. On this occasion I am speaking of a man, I guess about 55 years of age, married – as I saw a wedding band on his finger, and who has been catching this train for more years than he has hairs on his head. He looked tired, drained, and suitably annoyed to still be at the station with all the other commuters catching a train to his job. 

When the train pulled up the crowd for each door gathered around. Waiting in anticipation for that sound which lets us know the doors can be opened and we will soon be marching on. The doors open and I and a few others do the polite thing of letting people off first. Others barge their way through, determined to make this train. As I start to make my way on the train the older gentleman previously referred too starts to push his briefcase against my legs, pushing my legs on before my body has had the chance to move. He continues to push until we both are on the train. His suitcase behind my knees directing my path. The doors shut, he puts his briefcase down and opens his book and starts to read.  There is not enough room for me to move, yet he seems able to open his book and turn pages. As we continue our journey the train jerks a little and he falls into me. No apology, he looks with a look that says, ‘well that is what you get for standing so close’. I get slowly frustrated by his behaviour I stand cursing the moment I stood at this door near this man.

What poor woman is now married to this uncaring man? Does he have children? I hope not, as what kind of morals and values is he dispensing on young influential minds...

Age is no defence against bad public transport manners.

There are many more examples of bad transport manners, and it is not just in public transport, it is in elevators, shops, and queues across all of England. I think everyone woman should look around and see the actions of the men around them; their inconsiderate, uncaring, anti-social behaviour. If a man wants to take you on a date make sure public transport is involved and see how he acts when around rushing commuters, or in a rush himself. This will help you separate the wheat from the chaff.