Privacy… my long-lost friend

Privacy? I vaguely remember her. She was once a constant companion, but now, she’s more like an old friend who moved overseas and forgot to send a forwarding address.

I used to have spaces across the house that were private. You know, rooms where, when you went in, you wouldn’t be followed or interrupted.

We call them the BC Days. Parents will know what I mean when I say BC or AC days—and no, I’m not making a religious reference. They are the Before Child and After Child days. The BC days were a time of partying, traveling, doing fun stuff, spending money on ‘stuff’—and having privacy.

Privacy—I miss those days.

Now, in the AC days, since having my two energetic boys, all of those private spaces get invaded without approval or request.

Let me explain...

The Bathroom – Having a Bath

I used to be able to take a bath alone, restful and calm. Fill the tub, play some music, maybe even throw in a bath bomb if there was one in the drawer.

I could soak for 30 minutes or more, then get out in my own time. I could lie back and truly relax. The whole bath was mine. Peace and me. Those baths were lovely.

Now, I have to run a bath in secret.

If either of my boys so much as hears water running, they appear naked by my side with the speed of The Flash.

"Mum, can we join you?" they ask, putting on their best sad puppy faces.

What comes next is never believed but always said, like this time it will be different—"We promise we’ll keep it zen for you."

Before I even respond, SPLASH—they’re in.

"Mum, come on, get in!"

My window to say no? Gone.

I squeeze in, squished at the end of the bath near the tap, wondering why I even bothered. Next comes bubble blowing, bubble hairstyles, bubble moustaches, and full-on bubble outfits.

Eventually, I give up. "You enjoy, boys, Mum’s had enough."

Yes, baths used to be enjoyable. Now? It’s a covert operation where I have ten minutes at best before my sanctuary is infiltrated.

The Bathroom – Having a Shower

If I thought a bath was my last sanctuary, think again. The shower? Also infiltrated.

These interruptions very rarely happen to my husband. It seems only Mum can answer questions, resolve disputes, and be disturbed during private moments.

Let me share a recent example of a morning shower.

I go in, shut the door (critical element to this story), but I don’t lock it—because, you know, kids need accessibility. Also, we only have one inside toilet.

I'm five minutes in when Child 1 bursts in.

"Mum, what’s for dinner?"

I reply, "I haven’t thought about it, it’s breakfast time—now shut the door on your way out."

Child 1 comes back in.

"Can we have cheesy rice and meatballs?"

"Maybe, if we have the ingredients. I’ll check when I’m out of the shower. Now shut the door, please."

"Hey! Come back and actually shut the door."

Child 2 enters.

"Mum, I don’t want cheesy rice and meatballs. Can we have chicken schnitzel wraps?"

"How about we have this conversation when—"

Child 1 reappears.

"But Mum, you said we could!"

"Both of you—I AM IN THE SHOWER. We just had breakfast. I don’t care about dinner right now. Please, shut the door!"

They leave, but I can hear them debating dinner right outside the bathroom.

Another time, Child 2 enters.

"Mum, can I wear black socks to school today?"

"No, you know it’s white socks—go get them on, please."

Child 2 returns.

White socks on. Victory? No.

"Mum, can I wear my sports top today?"

"Is it sports day?"

"No, but I just want to."

"No, hun. Get the right uniform on. And please shut the door when you leave."

And no, it doesn’t stop when I step out of the shower.

As I dry off, they burst in.

"Mum, are we going to Nippers today?"

"Yes."

"Awwww, I don’t want to go."

"I’m getting dressed , hun. Please shut the door."

Do they shut it? Yes. Slightly. And continue talking through the gap.

The Bathroom - Going to the Toilet

Yes, people. Even this space gets invaded.

I can be mid-business, and they come in—to do their teeth or hair.

"Get out, boys, I’m on the toilet!"

"You’re only doing a 1, Mum, it’s okay."

I don't care what number I am doing - I'm on the toilet, get out and shut the door!

And yet, they won’t go to the toilet alone. Nope. They must go together—one chats while the other does their business. Then, they swap.

I try to shut the door, but they say they’re scared with it closed. "What do you do at school?" I ask.

But then I remember—this toilet togetherness started at childcare. I recall picking up Child 2 early once and walking in on toilet time. Five kids sitting on tiny toilets, having a chat like it was a social event. No doors. Just communal weeing. The foundation was laid.

The Bedroom – No Rest for Mum

The privacy and quite of the early morning is also lost.

Because Child 1 or 2 or both will appear at my bedside, spookily standing over me, whispering (kind of):

"Mum, when you get up, can I have waffles?"

"Mum, can I shut your door so you sleep while I play iPad?"

"Mum, I don’t have a clean school shirt. Can I just wear a blue T-shirt?"

Boys - give me a minute to wake up, and "No, you have to wear the uniform", "No iPad" and "it is Tuesday, no waffles".

Privacy May Return

I know that when privacy returns, I’ll miss the interruptions, the silly questions, the closeness of these years. But right now? I’d just like to use the toilet without an audience - and I'm sure my neighbours would agree!