Hey that's my half of the seat!

That's my seat!

There are three seats next to each other. They are not divided by an arm rest, but it is very clear there are three separate chairs. Naturally you would assume the three seats are for three people to sit on. Alas, we have been fooled; they are really only for two and a quarter person. But who is that quarter person? I've not met a quarter person, but they must exist, or the person who makes trains must know a quarter person otherwise they would make the three-seater fit three people.

As women are fighting the emotional and psychological size and weight battle why are the train makers testing our emotional boundaries? I recently lost a little weight and would fit (by my weight app) a regular size 12, yet three of me - regular size persons - don't squeeze next to each other on these three-seater train seats. All the blood sweat and tears I put into training at the gym and the Kellogg's diet I put myself on for 2 weeks (and I don't even want to mention or remember the soup diet) was wasted as I sit scrunched wondering how small do I have to be to sit comfortably in the middle seat? The middle seat helps me understand why we keep seeing females fading in size on the catwalks - they have been taking the train to work and realise to be comfortable they need to become Flat Stanley.

The middle seat is made worse when one of the other people occupying a seat is a man. Train seat makers must be from another planet and have never seen or sat next to a man in a suit on their way to work. I think the smaller your package the wider your leg spreads; pretending you need all that space. If you add two men sitting in the splits in their shoulder-pad-double-breasted business coats on a three-seater train seat even a baby would find the space left for them to sit in to be grim!

I use to think those who had a seat on the peak hour train ride were the lucky ones; they were sitting in business class. Over time I have realised there is no best seat on the train except where the driver sits!

I use to think people appreciated that when they got a seat that is all they got - one seat. The one seat back area and the one seat bottom area. But it is every man, woman and child for themselves. There is no space for anyone, and if you want some, you better know how to make some.

Usually, you will find that it is the middle seat of the three seats that is left empty. Only a brave person will come and try and squeeze into that seat. If you decide to be brave expect no movement from your fellow seat dwellers, actually expect it only to get worse. If sitting between two men- bad luck and that was a bad choice. You best be smaller than your pinkie finger and enjoy leaning forward the entire trip. If you sit between a man and woman, it is likely the woman will try and move across. In doing so you get to sit back but the man next to you will try and hustle you for some of that ‘extra’ room you just managed to get. If you don't give in, expect the newspaper from your neighbour to be partly rested on your lap. You took their space so expect to become their table. If you sit between two women it is likely both will try and give you more room even if none is spare and you will all acknowledge, you all tried to make it work. No one dares to battle a woman for extra room –we understand the weight loss/gain battle.

So next time you go to sit down on a three seat, take a long look at who you are sitting between, ask yourself the question “is this a battle worth winning, and will the win be worth it?”