Freeedddoommm

I grew up with seat belts. With rules. Believing in them unequivocally. Or be prepared for disapproving looks or a strong conversation from my parents.

I rarely dance in the face of the rules. I am not crazy or fearless. I am not reckless and fancy free. I'm organised, planned, dictated by routine and unfashionably ok with it.

I have tried to live free and crazy, rule-less. But even in those times I still had some routine.

It may have eaten fried chicken and corn and had a bottle or two of wine each night of the week. But that was the routine. Wine, friends, silly choices, worse decisions - but in that crazy reckless lifestyle, I still maintained some level of control, direction and routine.

Now with children, mortgage, a high-pressure job and life demands, I feel like I need routine more, and yet am so bored by my Ground Hog Day! I honestly wonder how I can mix it up. You know.... surprise myself. Surprise others in my life. Scare me into an amazing moment that I can say "fuck yeah, I just did that".

So.... the other day when I drove down into my work car park I undid my seat belt. Yes. I drove without a seat belt on. Man did that feel weird, strangely exhilarating and mildly out of control. I knew it was no big deal, but flapping about in the driver’s seat, seatbelt less, I thought - I should do this every day, nay, twice a day (in and out of the drive).  Then thought, what else can I do. Live dangerously. On the edge. What else can, should I try next. Maybe drive without shoes. Or..... who knows, the crazy, edge-of-my-seat-self was overthinking the options of reckless, loose, non-routine choices I could consider to help enliven my soul and body.

But then, I realised, I didn't like flapping about in my seat. Also driving shoeless isn't that comfortable, and .... well, the other dangerously reckless and fancy-free ideas - are just not me. The water is cold especially in the nude, and I just can't stop attending work and skive, the work still piles up......

An organised overseas holiday - with not every aspect of the trip researched and booked. That's more my style.

A surprise getaway for hubby. A romantic morning breaky or late-night massage. That's more my boring, ground hog day style.

Time to start owning my reality and the way I operate most effectively, efficiently and happily. In the land of routine, control, direction, where there can be some ad hoc spontaneity - just to remind myself .... I can if I want to! Whether I chose to or not - is up to me!